Matt P asked:


There was kid named Jimmy he was in 4ht grade. His teacher decided to play a little game with the kids. She would ask a question and if they got it right they got to leave 30 minutes early. The first question was who was our 2nd president. Jimmy had his hand raised first but the teacher called on Suzy, she answered John Adams and was excused from class. Jimmy was angry but he knew there was another tommorrow. The next day the teacher asked the what president is ont the five dollar bill and the penny. Jimmy once again had his hand raised first but Matt was called on and answered Abraham Lincoln and he got to leave. Jimmy was bery angry so he went home and got to golf balls and painted them back. The next day the teacher had to leave the class for a litte while and while she was gone Jimmy put golf balls on her chair. When she came back and foudn them she asked “Who is the comedian with the black balls?” Jimmy stands up and says “Eddie Murphy!” and then leaves the class.

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♥x.haylz.x♥ asked:


The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.

The teacher then announced, “Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn’t hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!”

The room really got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.

“Yes?” replied the teacher.

“Is it ok if she carries a golf bag while we walk?”

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oddball asked:


Cow Tail
A foursome was on the last hole and when the last golfer drove off the tee he hooked into a cow pasture. He advised his friends to play through and he would meet them at the clubhouse. They followed the plan and waited for their friend.

After a considerable time he appeared disheveled, bloody, and badly beaten up. They all wanted to know what happened.

He explained that he went over to the cow pasture but could not find his ball. He noticed a cow wringing her tail in obvious pain. He went over and lifted her tail and saw a golf ball solidly embedded. It was a yellow ball so he knew it was not his.

A woman comes out of the bushes apparently searching for her lost golf ball. The helpful male golfer lifted the cow’s tail and asked, “Does this look like yours?”

That was the last thing he could remember

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Francis Henry asked:


A young man was having his first golf lesson at the club.”Well, what should I do?”, asked the man.

“Hold the club gently,” the pro replied, “just like you’d hold your wife’s br**st.”

Taking the advice, he took a swing, and POW!, he hit the ball 250 yards straight up the fairway.

The ecstatic man went back home telling his wife the good news about his lesson and the wife couldn’t wait for her lesson.

The next day, the wife went for her lesson. The pro watched her swing and said, “No, no, no, you’re gripping the club way too hard.”

“What can I do?” asked the wife.

“Hold the club gently, just like you’d hold your husband’s p*n*s.”

The wife listened carefully to the pro’s advice, took a swing and THUMP! -the ball skipped down the fairway about 15 feet.

“You know, that was a lot better than I expected,” the pro said. “Now, take the club out of your mouth and hold it in your hands”.

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yea its me asked:


A man went for a golf lesson. The pro watched his swing and said, “No, no, no, you’re gripping the club way too hard.”
“Well, what should I do?”, asked the man.
“Hold the club gently,” the pro replied, “just like you’d hold your wife’s breast.”
Taking the advice, he took a swing, and POW!, he hit the ball 250 yards straight up the fairway. The ecstatic man went back home telling his wife the good news about his lesson, and, the wife
couldn’t wait for her lesson.
The next day, the wife went for her lesson. The pro watched her swing and said, “No, no, no, you’re gripping the club way too hard.”
“What can I do?” asked the wife.
“Hold the club gently, just like you’d hold your husband’s penis.”
The wife listened carefully to the pro’s advice, took a swing, and, THUMP!– the ball skipped down the fairway about 15 feet.
“You know, that was a lot better than I expected,” the pro said. “Now, take the club out of your mouth, and, hold it in your hands.”

I saw it on the internet somewhere, i thought it was funny! What do yu guys think?

Create a video blog…instantly.

Bartoni asked:


The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.

The teacher then announced, “Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn’t hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!”

The room really got quiet.

Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.

“Yes?” replied the teacher.

“Is it alright if she carries my golf bag while we walk?”

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Sangy . asked:


Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize.

“Please allow me to help. I’m a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you’d allow me,” she told him.

“Oh, no, I’ll be all right. I’ll be fine in a few minutes,” the man replied, still in pain, in
the fetal position, still clasping his hands together in his groin.

But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help.

She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and put her hands inside.

She began to massage him.

She then asked, “How does that feel?”

He replied, “It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell

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KittyRule asked:


kitty is back! whaa…you’ve never heard of me? shut up, people. ive had 3 requests for this one!
At the start of each lesson, give them a souvenir – a pot plant, a golf ball, a human skull (PLEASE DON’T TAKE THAT LAST ONE SERIOUSLY!!). if they ask you to stop, give them double.

START OF TERM: shake their hand vigorously and say “oh WOW I haven’t seen you in AGES!” if they ask your name, take up a confused look and say, “who the hell are you?”

Bring a pot plant to every class and sit it next to you. If it’s confiscated, stand up and scream, “kidnapper! Give me Bob!”

Nothing says “you’re a great teacher, thanks a lot” better than a spitball to the face.

Every time you get an F, take out a red pen and change the mark to a B. Or vice versa, using liquid paper, change a B to an F.

Make everybody bring a teddy to school. Give them the same name as the teacher (i.e. Mr Smith) and continually talk to it. Ask its opinion on homework, politics, rugby…anything you can think of.

Set the clock forward – ridiculously forward. 2am/pm becomes 12am/pm. Also, freeze the clock if you know how to, on the second right before 3:15, or whenever you get out of school/college. Works better in schools.

Fill your teacher’s pencil case with M&Ms, and a note saying “Borrowed your pens. Hope this covers it”.

Release a mouse in the room! When everyone has noticed it, release a cat.

The capital of Alaska is A. The capital of Montana is M. The capital of New York is N and Y.

“Kit, what is the atomic weight of lead?”
“Pencils?”
“Kit, that’s ridiculous and incorrect”
“Do I get points for creativity?”

Come to school in black, wearing a ski mask and sunglasses. Take off the sunglasses in class, look around shiftily, and hand out monopoly money under the table.

“An interesting fact I learned while doing my rainforest project is that a hungry dog will eat anything, especially rainforest essays”

When your teacher starts saying something, mutter “I’ll sue”. Gradually get louder and louder until you are yelling “I’ll sue!” after they say something. If they tell you to be quiet, interrupt them by screaming, “I’LL SUE!”. They’ll try to say something else, so stand up and say, “I’m getting a lawyer!” and storm out.

A FAVORITE: Have a “Dressup Week”. Get a lot of victims – ahh, people – involved, and hand out timetables – for example, on Monday everyone dresses as Mexicans (no offense to all the Mexicans out there, but sombreros are great fun!), Tuesday everybody dresses gothic, Wednesday everyone dresses as tourists – be creative! Get some friends to join you and follow through with it, so everybody realizes you’re not kidding and hopefully they’ll join in. On Friday get a ridiculous theme, and go on about how great it will be. When Friday comes, dress normally and watch the fun as your fellow students come dressed in ridiculous costumes!
NOTE: I’ve gotten good results with “polka-dotted-space-alien” for Friday.

That’s all for now – thanks for reading!

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Sangy . asked:


A young woman had been taking golf lessons.

She had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting.

Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for help and to complain.

Her golf pro saw her come into the clubhouse and asked, “Why are you back in so early? What’s wrong?”

“I was stung by a bee”, she said.

“Where”, he asked.

“Between the first and second hole”, she replied.

He nodded knowingly and said, “Then your stance is too wide.”

Kansieo.com

BRIAN M asked:


A husband and wife want to take golf lessons from a pro at a local country club. The man and woman meet the pro and head onto the driving range. The man goes up to hit first. He swings and hits the ball 100 yards.
The golf pro says not bad. “Now hold the club as firm as you hold your wife’s breasts”. The man follows instructions and hits the ball 300 yards. The golf pro says “Excellent!”

Now the woman takes her turn. Her ball goes 30 yards. The golf pro said, “Not bad, but try holding the club like you hold your husbands d*ck.” She swings and the ball goes 10 yards.
The golf pro said, “Not bad, but now try taking the club out of your mouth and then hit the ball.”

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